Featured image credit: Photo by Larisa Birta on Unsplash
Article written by: Mr. Substitute

Headbanging, throwing elbows, usually jumping of some sort–anything to synchronize a pent-up and physical aggression with the music blasting your eardrums to smithereens; these are some of things that “moshing” (to mosh) entail. Which, of course, raises the very soluble yet terribly important question: how does one mosh at a classical concert?

If you think about it, nothing is physically stopping you? You could very easily stand up during Dvořák’s Symphony No. 9 in E minor, Op. 95 “From the New World” (IV. Allegro con fuoco), push the probably confused people around you and shout “Let’s open this pit up!” Nothing is holding you back from slam-dancing to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons: Spring III: Presto. And mere willpower is separating you from dropkicking someone (and then respectfully picking them up) during each cannon blast of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. In fact, after listening to all of these, I’m wondering why I haven’t myself!

But, you know, I guess we have what’s called “concert etiquette” and the moshing usually saved for a Slipknot (oh God, they’re still around right? I didn’t show how old I was right there?) or an August Burns Red show is generally not accepted at classical music concerts where patrons tend to wear clothing that is not purposely ripped and are expected to remain sitting at all times unless there is an emergency.

Fret not, if you’re like me and had that primal urge to throw your body into larger people who probably didn’t put deodorant on that day but are confined to a concert hall with stadium seating, I have just the tips you might need.

First, blend in. I know it might not feel right, but you can wear your Pierce the Veil shirt under a nice shirt and jacket. Wearing a metal-studded vest with patches of obscure Norwegian metalcore bands might arouse suspicion and unfortunately time is not on your side here.

Second, pick a location. Row F seat 14 is not a good place to throw down, trust me. Find a side row, possibly by the entrance, where maximum room is available. (Bonus points: pay off the stewardess that you’ll be moshing next to. Might be a little steep, but it will buy you time before security is called.)

Third, time your mosh. Let’s be realistic, not every song played in a concert is mosh-worthy, even for a heavy metal show. The same goes for most classical pieces: they have their “hype” moments and their not-so “hype” moments. Know when the big finish is and casually make your way to your predesignated spot before it happens, don’t forget to stretch, and when the time comes, let loose!

In all seriousness, if you can and are willing, please support your local symphony, high school music program, or both. The arts are something that is so important to our youth and the idea of cutting funding to these programs is something we can all speak out against.

Enjoy yourself, be safe and as always: Drink lots of water!


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