Mustard had the pleasure of speaking with Impossible Dog! Together we discussed the existence of dogs, mail carriers, their creative process, their recent release “Figs”, and so much more!
1. Mustard is grateful to have Impossible Dog join them at Music Shelf. How is everyone?
EK: I am doing swell; currently answering these questions at work.
DC: Every day is agony
ED: More tired than I want to be, stoked we are ripping a show this week
AB: TMFP (Too Much Funny Pen)
2. Dogs exist, right?
EK: I’d say Devin is best suited to answer this question because he allegedly watches a weiner dog from time to time.
DC: The allegations are true, I love weiners
ED: My family’s dog lives at my parent’s house, so if we don’t consider object permanence, dogs don’t exist.
AB: They have to or else what are we really doing?
3. What makes your dog impossible? Do they possess super-canine strength? How did you come up with this band name?
EK: Devin and I were trying to come up with band names over text. I’m pretty sure he said something along the lines of, “coming up with band names is impossible, dog” and I replied with, “let’s just name our band that.” It’s a really dumb story.
DC: I’m with stupid ^^
ED: Have you seen our logo? You don’t wanna see the other dog.
AB: If these guys named the band PeePeePooPoo and I still would’ve joined.
4. Mustard has observed that dogs are a human’s best friend. Can you confirm this? What is everyone’s favorite breed?
EK: I like corgis.
DC: The allegations are true, I love weiners
ED: My family’s dog is a havanese poodle which is abbreviated as “havapoo”, which is a good reason they’re my fave breed
AB: If my dog hears that I like another breed he’ll be sad so bichon.
5. How does Impossible Dog feel about mail carriers? Why do dogs attack these humans who hold your mail?
DC: I have only been getting bills and coupon catalogs lately so, I would say we highly endorse mail carriers
ED: SUPPORT THE USPS. Dogs prefer email due to lesser carbon emissions. Look it up.
AB: USPS is the best. It all comes down to the approach with dogs. Contrary to popular belief, dogs don’t give a rat’s ass about mail.
6. Impossible Dog gets the chance to perform at a Dog Park. What kind of toys can be found in this park?
EK: Either one of those ball launchers or White Paw Barkling Seltzers.
DC: Bouncing Betties and Bear Traps
ED: Dog-compatible see-saw in the pit
AB: Just little bits of chewed up cardboard
7. Humans love origin stories. How did Impossible Dog form?
EK: Devin hit me up and was like “LET’S PLAY MUSIC TOGETHER.” I’m usually really bad about following through with stuff like that. It’s easy to say “oh, we should jam” but actually getting my shitty brain to commit to it is always a struggle. We met for the first time and wrote the instrumentals for three songs. It just felt so natural.
DC: Evan K. might not know this, but I messaged the wrong Evan (yes, a completely different Evan than either of these two) and asked him to play music. Then I had to tell him that I didn’t mean to message him, and had to explain this to him recently when I saw him at a show. (He plays in Shiver and I love him)
ED: Saw Evan’s IG story of him and Devin ripping it up in a tiny room, loved the vibe instantly and hit them up. Had some tight rehearsals that felt really neat and different, and it was fun to focus on just guitar in songs for once.
AB: I replied to Devin’s IG story of him and Evan K jamming at Sound Museum (RIP) and saying he was looking for a bass or guitar player. I don’t play either of those instruments so I play bass now. Sometimes they let me go pick up the food.
8. According to your Twitter biography Impossible Dog creates diarrhea rock. How do you define diarrhea rock?
EK: Oh, lord.
DC: I will take this one lads, not to worry. The year was 2003. I was at the Topsfield Fair. My mom is a Horse Girl, so we were watching the horses play poker in the Arena. I was bored as all hell so I did what any bored fat kid did in 2003 and found the nearest fried dough stand. I ate a not-funny amount of this shit. Queue the tummy rumbles. I told my mom I didn’t feel good and she told me to go lay down in her white Chevrolet Tahoe. I lay down in the back seat and tried to pass the time, but the belly felt like it was going to burst. I had Double Diarrhea Down My Dockers, and had to wait for assistance from one of my parents (I did not have a cell phone at this time) Upon my dad’s arrival, he was repulsed by what he stumbled upon. He gave me a “GOD DAMNIT DEVIN” and threw me the expired baby wipes from under the passenger seat to clean myself up with. I had to throw out my clothes from this evening. I told myself, in 20 years from now I want to start a band inspired from this very moment.
ED: tangential to butt rock
AB: the most underrated genre
9. Does Impossible Dog eat chocolate? Did that potentially cause the diarrhea?
EK: As a band, I don’t think we’ve actually eaten much chocolate. If anything is giving our band diarrhea it’s the fact that Alex buys an Uncrustable to eat during practice every week.
DC: I will never eat Fried Dough again. (DoughyDevin is a farce)
ED: Chili dark chocolate mvp
AB: It’s true I love Uncrustables, but if anything I feel like the peanut butter binds me up instead of causing diarrhea. On the other hand, Popeyes will cause diarrhea without fail.
10. What is Impossible Dog’s creative process?
EK: We mostly just get in a room together once a week and freak out for 3 hours straight.
DC: Evan and I created this band and weren’t really sure where to head with it. After meeting every Monday for a year, and ingesting copious amounts of 40s, we have decided on making a Fart Band.
ED: Arrive, scream profusely about dumb shit from the day, put my guitar strap super high to channel music major energy, play Sweet child O’ Mine intro riff, say “ok, time to write a new song” after we finish practicing each song. Eventually someone folds and we respin a semi-popular song from mid 2000’s. Art is derivative
AB: Writing songs that could potentially get us sued but we’re not famous at all so no one cares.
11. Mustard wonders if Impossible Dog has written songs about being so so scared?
EK: I’d say a good 95% of the songs I’ve ever written have been about being absolutely terrified of something or another.
DC: I just play drums, man
ED: Therapy is expensive. Bottling your emotions and channeling them into songs? Priceless.
AB: I don’t do a lot of the writing but I like to think I channel my inner deep scary intrusive thoughts into every bass part.
12. What scares Impossible Dog? How does Impossible Dog feel about thunderstorms?
EK: I actually really love thunderstorms.
ED: Window stays open during rainstorms no discush
AB: There’s something soothing about a nice T-storm.
13. Last week you released “Figs” on Bandcamp. What was the inspiration behind this single?
EK: I wrote this song after thinking of the absurdity of relationships. Like, you can spend years getting to know someone and spending a lot of time with them, but sometimes relationships end. You can have a falling out, you can grow apart, you can mutually decide to sever ties. The absurd thing to me is, even though the relationship is done, the other person is still a part of you. You might still remember the things you did together, their birthday, or their favorite foods. All of these little artifacts from something that doesn’t exist anymore could kick around in your head for the rest of your life. It’s overwhelming to think about.
DC: idk Evan K. was sad one time or something, all I know is that I’m getting high on my own supply cuz the end of this song gets my RILED UP
ED: Dang he got a lot going on in that head. I just doodleydoo some guitar and tried to dance around Evan’s vocal riff while creating some chaotic but outlined contrast to his blocky chords and drifting vocal lines.
AB: Damn that really is overwhelming to think about smh
14. How would you describe your live performance? What three words best describe an Impossible Dog show?
EK: I just get really winded and sweaty.
DC: You ever been to Water Country in Portsmouth, NH?
ED: Tight, rambunctious, tongue-out-when-you-screw-up
AB: Loud, Free Earplugs
15. What is next for Impossible Dog?
EK: Fame and fortune.
DC: Fame and fortune.
ED: Fame and fortune.
AB: Try to turn a profit this quarter as well as putting together an all-star legal team
16. Where can readers listen to your music?
EK: All of the streaming services unless I fucked something up.
DC: 99.5 Boston’s 24/7 classical public radio station – a part of GBH
ED: I’ll send you the Google Drive link. Just DM me.
AB: Just put the songs on repeat on Spotify but turn the volume down all the way down and let it run, we need those plays.
Music Shelf With Mustard 